There's this persistent idea floating around that men doing housework kills the spark. That doing the dishes is somehow unsexy. The research on this has been... complicated. But newer studies tell a really different story than the old ones did.
The Original "Choreplay" Controversy
Back in 2013, a study using data from 1992-1994 made headlines claiming that couples where men did "feminine" housework had less frequent sex—3.2 times monthly compared to 4.8 times when men did none of these tasks.
This spawned a thousand think pieces about how egalitarian relationships were bad for intimacy.
Then Researchers Checked Again With Modern Couples
When Daniel Carlson at the University of Utah replicated that study using 2006 data, the results completely reversed. Couples sharing housework equally now reported having sex 6.8 times per month compared to 6.3 times for conventional arrangements.
A German study using even more recent data found no relationship between housework division and sexual frequency at all.
What Changed? Cultural Norms
The explanation isn't that housework biology changed—it's that expectations changed.
What signaled "gender deviance" in 1992 (men doing dishes) was normalized by 2006. As Sharon Sassler of Cornell explains: "We've had a couple of decades to work hard at getting to a better balance, and we're seeing that gender equality doesn't destabilize relationships the way it used to."
The Actual Mechanism: Teamwork and Respect
Recent research suggests the real connection isn't about housework at all—it's about what equal contribution signals: partnership, respect, being seen as a team.
When one partner feels like they're managing everything alone while the other coasts, that resentment doesn't exactly set the mood.
Matt Johnson's research concluded: "Men are likely to experience more frequent and satisfying passion for both partners between the sheets when they simply do their fair share."
The Dishwasher Exception
One fascinating finding: dishwashing specifically emerged as the most consequential single task for relationship quality. Women doing the majority of dishes reported "significantly more relationship discord, lower satisfaction, and less satisfying sex."
Why dishes specifically? Probably because it's daily, visible, and happens right after someone (often her) cooked. It's the perfect storm of feeling like a servant in your own home.
Bottom Line
Stop worrying that contributing equally will hurt your sex life. The research is clear: in 2025, equity signals respect and partnership—and those are what support intimacy.
The "choreplay penalty" was a artifact of 1990s gender anxiety. We're past that now.
Curious about how household equity actually looks in your relationship? marbles helps couples visualize and discuss their division of labor.